Depression and Suicide
by Passing Memoires
Summary: Roxas has been dealing with depression and even thoughts of suicide ever since he became a teenager. Hes been struggling with it throughout the years mostly on his own. Hes had it finally and he make his decision tonight. Only too have it changed by a caring redhead. Roxas POV.


**AN: **Story based on cover image that is not mine and was drawn by - Crowry on DeviantArt. I just thought up a story too go along with it since i really liked it.

* * *

**_Tonight was the night. _**Roxas thought.

It was midnight, his parents were asleep and he had already called up Axel, telling him of his plan and too meet him at the park.

They both walked the chilly night street's of there suburban town.

It was August, Fall, Summer was over.

Which Roxas was glad for, but Axel was not.

He loved the heat, the sunny days.

Well Roxas preferred the cold and the rainy days.

Especially fall, since it rained a lot, or spring.

Snow was nice, too watch at least.

He hated walking through it, tho he stayed inside all day by his own choice, doing hobbies too distract him.

Too busy him, like drawing, listening too music, or playing video games.

The weather gave him more of a reason too stay inside too, at least.

Or too wear a hoodie too cover himself up, he loved wearing hoodies.

With hand's shoved into the front pocket's of the black hoodie he was wearing now, Roxas pressed on down the dark sidewalk.

Only street light's lighting his way, the only noise being of crickets chirping in the night as everyone else was asleep in there warm bed's.

Cautiously he finally made it too the park after a ten minute walk from his house, after staring up at the starry sky and full moon, he entered through the park gates and walked along the pathway too where all the equipment stood.

Where he saw a dark figure move in the shadow's, standing up from leaning against the swing set.

''Hey, babe'' Axel greeted Roxas as he saw the blond walk over, face hidden from view underneath the hood, but surely it was him.

''Hey'' Roxas answered back when he looked up, feeling self conscious under his boyfriend's stare suddenly.

Like it was wrong for him too be here...

Doing this...

All of this was wrong, of course it was.

But he had too do it.

Too escape.

But Axel understood, right?

Roxas had told him everything, In which most people, even his parent's or sibling's didin't hear.

Or doctor's, guidance counselors, even therapist...

He met green, venomous eye's watching him like a snake through the pitch black park, and flaming red hair.

Roxas walked over too him, stopping a few feet apart, gulping.

Axel shouldn't even be helping him do this.

But he understood Roxas.

And did it anyway.

But what would Roxas do if it was the other way around?

Would he stop Axel?

He pushed the thought's away from his mind, not wanting too think about them.

He had too do this.

Roxas shivered from a cool breeze as he looked down at the sand beneath him in the park, away from the piercing, judging eye's, silence consuming the both of them.

Until he heard the soft footfall's from Axel as he moved away from the swing set, over by the blond, he stopped in front of him.

''Are you sure about this?'' He asked, as he grabbed the blondes hood and pulled it away from my face, revealing his blond spiky hair.

The cold air made him shiver again as he looked off too the right, away from the redhead as he stared at a scatter of huge rock's decorating the right side of the park.

''Yeah'' Roxas said lowly.

silence, another chilling breeze blowing, ruffling both their cloth's and hair.

Roxas swallowed nervously.

''Is there anything i can do too change your mind?'' Axel asked after a few beat's of silence.

Roxas thought.

Was there?

No... What could Axel possibly do for him?

Roxas shook his head gently.

There was nothing he could do.

Roxas knew he tried, but he wasn't there all the time for him.

He knew Axel had other thing's too do, other people, life.

Roxas was selfish and just wanted him all too himself, But he couldn't. More beat's of silence, Tension was starting too fill the air. Roxas just wanted too get this over with.

Soft fingertip's suddenly lifted the blond's chin up, In reaction the younger flinched slightly at the sudden contact, before blue eyes flickered up too meet emerald eye's staring down at him.

''_I'm_ not enough for you?'' Axel asked him quietly.

Roxas was conflicted as he stared into his boyfriend's eye's, he swallowed again nervously, and finally pried his eyes away from him as he glanced over at a streetlamp on the other side of the park.

Was he?

He was, but he wasn't there enough for him.

Everything else was too much for Roxas too handle, he was weak.

He needed someone too lean on, all the time, not just sometimes, where he had too wait.

And he couldn't do that with his parents, lesser even with his ''Friends''

''D-Did you bring it?'' Roxas asked too not answer the given question earlier.

A few more beat's of silence, a thumb running over his jaw gently, making him shiver, before –

''Yeah...'' Axel pulled his hand away from the blondes chin, and went into his right jean pocket, taking out a small object, flicking it out as it revealed a short, silver sharp edge, with a handle made out of dark maple wood.

A knife.

Roxas held out his hand for it.

Axel hesitated.

before swallowing and handing it over.

Roxas took the knife, clasping it in his hand, before just turning the blade over and staring at it.

How the sharp silver edge glinted against the moon light.

A nervous swallow, placing the knife over the middle of his hand's skin, pressing down, silence.

Then one, quick slice across the skin, bringing pain and staining the used too be clean blade with blood.

''Fuck...'' Roxas hissed under his breath.

More tear's welling up in his eye's from the pain, his eye's already red from crying too much today, tear's still staining his cheek's before he decided too go through with this.

He was so weak and tired, and hasn't even slept or eaten in day's.

He didn't feel like eating at all, and his thoughts and crying kept him up all night.

Even when all he longed for was just sleep.

He'd be lucky too be so tired from the crying too finally just pass out.

''Ow'' Roxas whined, withdrawing the blade and staring at his hand in silence, feeling the stinging pain starting too set in and watching as the blood started too appear.

''Chill out babe, It's just blood'' Axel said.

Staring down at his confused blond that he loved so much, wishing he could change this somehow.

But he couldn't...

The least he could do was make it as easy as possible for him, Right? Even tho… He hated this situation so much.

Axel went too stand next too him, and slipped his left hand under his shirt too stay at his lower back.

Roxas chuckled weakly,

A hollow, Forced sound, like when one's gone mad.

''Easy for you too say... It's not _you're _blood'' Roxas said, Smiling slightly as he stared down at his hand.

He was so tired...

Axel sighted, pulling his hand out from Roxas's shirt as he brought it too the blond's head.

''Relax, It'll be over soon'' He told him.

Turning his lover's head too kiss him on the forehead softly.

''Yeah...'' Roxas whispered weakly, already feeling lightheaded as the blood started too drip from the wound on his hand, pooling over and starting too drip downward.

They both remained like that, quietly in this position, just standing there.

Content too stay there like this in silence together, for whatever time they had left with each other.

Roxas stared at his boyfriend's neck, well Axel stilled his lip's on his forehead and just held the blond's head with his other hand.

His other hand came down too take the knife from the shaking hand's of the blond a few minute's later as Roxas opened his mouth too breath deep, shallow breath's as his chest tightened.

It felt heavy, and tight, just horrible.

Vision blurring, a few tear's welling up and spilling over onto his cheek's and trailing down the skin as they hit the ash fault below them.

Axel turned the knife back inside itself and put it in his pocket, then brung up that arm too wrap around the blond when he made a sound that crossed a whine and a sob.

He hugged him gently, rubbing his back in circle's too calm him, the constant stinging pain in his hand was clouding everything else, as with the harder it was too breath and see, he felt whoozy.

He felt _sick_, but at least through the haze he could feel the slow, repeated, calming motion's of his boyfriend's hand on his back.

And the soft, gentle whisper's.

Promise's that everything was alright.

His body started too become more cold, from the wind he couldn't tell, he started too feel much more weaker as his eye's closed momentarily.

His eye's feeling wet as more tear's escaped.

Was he really going too do this?

Too let this happen?

What about his family?

His friend's?

Axel?

Surely they would be worried.

They would care, no doubt.

Right?

_Right?_

Wrong.

At least too Roxas that's how it seemed like.

* * *

Then why would Axel do this then? If he cared he would of, Stopped me.

Somehow.

_Anything_.

But here he was, Instead.

Helping me let this happen, and, wait, was it raining?

I didn't hear anything…

I opened my eye's, blinking through the blurriness and shifting my eye's about in the darkness of the park.

It wasn't raining so...

Why did i keep feeling like there was rain hitting my head?

I moved my head too look up, past the pale neck and chin, too cheek's with black spike tatto's that contrasted with his pale skin.

Wet from... Tear's?

I stared up, Into emerald green eye's that were wet, sorrow filled them and i suddenly felt a powerful wave of emotion.

Of regret, foolishness, I felt even worse.

My chest was now tight but not with the physical pain of what i had done, but just seeing Axel like that.

_Because_ of me.

I suddenly didin't want this too happen.

I swallowed the sudden thickness in my throat.

Looking back down at my hand i brought it up and pressed it over my other arm, gritting my teeth at the pain and closing my eye's.

Breathing deeply through my nose as i grunted, before speaking -

''M-Make the... Bleeding – Stop, Axel'' I said, feeling like i was going too faint.

''H-Huh?'' I heard Axel say above me.

''Bleeding... Stop it, _Please_'' I said weakly.

It was quick and i was too weak too protest, and this probably was a much better, efficient way, as i was suddenly picked up.

Held against Axel's chest. Bridal style as he began too walk fast towards somewhere.

Out of the dark park, past the gates and out onto the sidewalk.

The feeling of motion beneath me made me made me feel sicker then, like i was going too through up.

Beginning too panic, I breathed in deeply through my mouth, keeping my eye's open as i stared at Axel's face.

The street light's providing more light as i could see the tear streak's on his cheek's, he looked ahead, determined and desperate eye's always flickering down too look at me.

Hovering, before looking back up again.

''How are you feeling?'' Axel asked, as we had no doubt left the park by now, now walking at a brisk pace.

He had slowed down when he noticed it only made me feel worse.

''Horrible'' I said as i pressed down on my bloodied hand too try and stop the bleeding.

The cut had too be so deep that it no doubt needed stitches.

Too stop the bleeding i pressed it firmly against my other arm, hoping it would save us time as i all but focused on staying awake, well the blood soaked into the sleeve of my hoodie.

Anything for Axel too get me too wherever he was going too.

A hostiple?

Home...?

His home?

I really didin't want too think about it, I over thought thing's way too much, too the point where i'd rethink this and go back too committing suicide, but i would stay alive, no matter what.

At least for Axel.

I just… Didn't want my parents knowing, my friends, or at least what I had left of them.

''Hurry...'' I pleaded, eye's closing, body numbing too the cold and pain.

''Just hold on Rox, I'm almost there, please just stay awake'' His voice cracked at the end, making me feel absolutely horrible as i watched more tear's run down his pale cheek's.

No more then a few minute's later, as i was struggling too keep my eye's open, Axel was turning too get through a gate.

Then a green flap went over both of us, I was really losing it as i closed my eye's, the room becoming suddenly very warm as i began too sink into darkness behind my eyes.

''No, no, Rox stay with me!'' I heard Axel plead, almost shout.

I opened my eye's slightly, weakly as i was laid down onto something.

''Ill be right back, _please_ Rox just hold on'' Axel pleaded.

When his arm's left me and i could hear footstep's walking away.

I felt scared, I thought that maybe he was abandoning me, until no more then a minute later i heard his footstep's return.

My right arm was pulled up from where it lay across my stomach, And then turned over.

''GAH!'' I shouted as i suddenly felt a burning substance swipe quickly across my hand.

What the hell was that?

It sure _wasn't_ making thing's easier...

Unless Axel actually wanted too make it harder...

No, He wouldn't do that.

''Fuck – Sorry babe, It's okay, I just need too stitch your hand up and then you can get some sleep, I know your very tired...'' I heard Axel's voice.

Oh, so he was helping me...

I grunted weakly back, too let him know that i was listening.

I was ready when i felt the sharp needle hit the skin of my hand as i let out a whimper, before clamping my teeth together and turning my head too the right intoo the back of the couch.

Warm tear's spilling from my eye's at the pain as Axel sealed up the skin with the needle, too stop the bleeding in a few quick motion's.

I was sort of surprised, In fact i would of commented on how quick and well he did it, but not now.

I knew it was over then when it stopped, my eye's were closed again, and i was really tired.

When i was breathing through my nose and felt a hand on the right side of my head along with a kiss on my forehead and my blond lock's were sweapt away from my face, along with a assuring whisper.

''It's okay now Rox, get some rest''

Is when i allowed my whole body too finally relax, and quickly fell asleep, Only hoping that i'd wake up.

* * *

When i awoke, I was warm, and comfortable, that feeling you get when you were so comfortable where you were and _didin't_ want too get up.

But slowly, my mind pushed through the fog, As i recognized a smell.

A burning candle?

Memoires started too come back too me, as i then rememberd what exactly happened last night, a few hour's ago, I had a plan too end it all.

But then... Axel.

Was i dead?

Or was i alive...?

Opening my eye's gradually, I came face too face with the ceiling of the ''Usual Spot''

A place me and my friend's would go too a lot after school when we were kid's...

Now i never came here.

Unless i knew they were all gone.

The ceiling was dark, only illumined by a nearby candle sitting on a wooden box next too the couch i was lying on.

A sudden gasp from nearby, and then suddenly there was someone hugging me from the side, face hidden in my chest, a blast of spiky hair...

''Axel'' I croaked.

Throat feeling rough, but i was awake.

Axel lifted his head, allowing me too see his emerald eye's.

Wet, with redness around his irises, he must of been crying...

Swallowing, I suddenly felt horrible.

Axel smiled at me tho, and slid his left hand across my right cheek, finger's tangling in my blond lock's as he said –

''I'm so glad your okay! I thought... Maybe you'd...'' He frowned at the thought, Before smiling and just settling on staring at me.

At the memory i brought up my right arm, flipping it over too gaze at the few stitch's that Axel had done on my hand too seal up the wound.

I stared at it, before setting it back down again as i replayed last night in my head.

''How are you feeling now?'' Axel asked me.

''I'm okay'' I said, I honestly was just sort of out of it.

I Looked back at his green eye's.

''That's good'' Axel smiled, leaning in too plant a soft kiss against my forehead.

I felt warm but choked up when he did, letting it linger too before pulling away and smiling at me so affectionately.

Time's like these i would joke that i was going too throw up from all the sweetness, or tell him too stop in a joking tone.

But i actually needed this, It was nice.

''I'm sorry'' I said, tear's welling up in my eye's.

I felt like i was going too fall apart so i brought both hand's up too cover my eye's as i let out a small sob before biting down on my lip, tear's streaking down my cheek's as my body shook with the sob's i was surpassing.

I finally realized then how stupid i was being.

How selfish, how so wrong about so many thing's i was, and it took me too almost taking my own life too realized it.

''Rox? Shh, Hey - It's okay, what are you sorry for? There's nothing too be'' Axel said lowly in a hushed tone, like a mother would use as he picked up my upper half off the couch too properly hug me as i burrowed my head into his chest and cried there.

Letting it all out for a few minute's as my body shook in his arm's with sob's.

A few escaping past my lip's before i finally calmed down too speak, not wanting too speak during it until i came down since i knew it would all just come out in mumble's.

I sniffled, pulling away as Axel was snaking a hand underneath my shirt too run his hand in soothing circle's against the skin of my back too better calm me, It did.

I shivered from his warm hand, never cold like what it should be.

I took my hand's away from my eye's and wiped the wetness away from them and my cheek's before sniveling again and bringing my hands up too Axel's shirt as i held onto it weakly, not wanting him too get up and leave me, just too stay here.

He stayed quiet, just rubbing my back as i calmed down, waiting for me too speak.

''I'm sorry'' I began once I had calmed down.

''For what?'' Axel repeated, confused, hand running up my back and making me shiver as it stayed between my shoulder blade's.

Almost too my neck as my shirt rided up before he moved them back too my lower back again.

''I scared you - A lot'' I began as I stared at his shirt, before Looking up at him, meeting his eye's that stared down at me.

The candle light in the room making them a much brighter green and reflecting it.

Axel remained silent, but i knew, from his look and the language of his eye's that i was right.

I did scare him tonight, even tho he wouldn't admit it.

He didin't have too say it anyway.

''I thought that – Maybe if i just got it over with, yeah people will cry and miss me, but eventually they would get over me right? I thought you would too, you could move on, find someone else...'' I said, looking down at his neck.

''You thought wrong'' Axel said, his hand coming up too my neck through my shirt and gently weaving through the bottom of my hair.

Massaging it as my eye's gradually closed at the sensation as Axel spoke.

''It's not that easy – Your not some pet that an owner will forget about in a few month's, don't ever think about yourself like that, your a human being Roxas, a very important one, especially too me, I'd never forget you, ever, and i'd never move on'' Axel said.

I shivered again as i felt his soft lip's on my neck, lingering there as they planted a gentle kiss, before saying lowly –

''Your family and friend's too, they'd never forget you, have you ever thought about that? Your mother, Lighting, your father, Cloud, your sister's, Namine and Larxene, your friend's, Sora... Riku, Xion, Kairi'' He said, moving his lip's up my neck and planting more kiss's, before going up too my jaw line and pulling away as my head started too tip back with the distracting, but pleasant sensation as i thought about what he was telling me.

''I – I feel like a complete idiot'' I said honestly, bringing my head back forward and looking into his eye's, hand on the back of my head holding it in place and still running his finger's through the hair there soothingly well the other was wrapped around my lower back, holding me against him.

''Your not, you were just confused, everyone's knows how difficult it is for what your going through, but suicide wasn't the answer, Suicide is NEVER the answer Rox, not for anything'' He said.

I stayed quiet, a part of me thinking that it wasn't true, but the other did.

''Why didin't you stop me, earlier, Then?'' I asked then suddenly, looking up into his eye's.

I knew it wasn't, but it was the only way out, distractions didin't do much for me anymore.

And i knew his answer.

Axel's hand slid down from my neck, making me shiver as it went down my back and out of my shirt.

instead he brought up a hand too rest on the left side of my neck, the other on my right cheek, a thumb drawing lazy circle's on the skin below my eye.

Axel looked down at his thumb as he spoke.

''I knew how much you were suffering, how difficult it was for you – I thought that it actually would be much better for you then here, but then i guess _i'm_ selfish, I don't want you too leave me, even tho your in pain, I want you here, with me'' He said, green eye's casting up too blue. I thought this over in silence, before speaking.

''Then why don't we just do it _together_?'' I whispered, knowing it was wrong.

But it solved the problem, even how horrible it sounded, and I never ever wanted him too die.

Unless... Maybe with me.

If we had too, it would be okay, as long as i had him with me.

Axel's thumb stilled on my cheek for a few beat's of silence, before resuming.

''You know why, just as much as i do, I love the idea of being with you in heaven, but what if that's wrong Rox? What if instead... That we _don't _go too heaven? What if were just rotting in the ground, unable of anything but seeing blackness, I hate that'' Axel said, his voice almost cracking at the end.

I hated the sight of Axel being sad, he almost never was, he was like Sora, but knew when too be serious, but he was always joking around, smiling, laughing, It tore me up too see him sad.

''Then we wont'' I said, Wrapping my arm's underneath his well my leg's wrapped around his mid section, straddling him on the couch after i pulled him down too me.

It was a horrible thought, I didin't dare think about it as my throat felt heavy and it hurt along with the tightness in my chest.

''Then, what will you do?'' Axel asked me, as i laid the side of my head onto his left shoulder, his hand's wrapping around me in a hug.

A few beat's of silence before i spoke again.

''I cant ever leave you, knowing now how much i mean too you, It would be too cruel so...'' I closed my eye's, Cudding up against his chest.

So warm...

''Ill stay here with you, no matter what happens... Ill live, as long as you stay beside me'' I said, knowing that that was the truth and that i'd stick by it, because it was worth it.

I knew how Axel actually really _cared_ about me, and that's all i really need.

''You know ill alway's will – No matter what'' Axel said back, squeezing me reassuringly in the hug.

I smiled, knowing that everything from this point on was going too be okay.

And really, It was.

* * *

**AN: **I just wanted too point out that i _know_ that you can't bleed out from the hand, but i wanted too keep it true too the comic so, I hope you sort of enjoyed either way.


End file.
